Premarital Counselling: How can we talk about important topics prior to marriage or commitment?
What is Premarital Counselling?
Premarital counselling is a type of couples therapy for couples who are getting along well, and are hoping to get to know each other better and have a venue to talk about important topics prior to marriage/commitment. Often, couples are so excited to get to know each other that key issues are missed, leading to miscommunication and resentment later on. With premarital counselling, you and your partner will have an opportunity to explore these issues, navigate and appreciate your similarities and differences, and build a path together towards marriage/commitment. In each session (see below), I will help you and your partner discuss a specific facet of your relationship and I will give you tools and strategies for continuing the conversation in your marriage/commitment.
I created the topics that I will help you and your partner explore together in premarital counselling based on the research and my clinical experience. Please see below for a rough agenda; sessions can also be tailored based on your preferences.
Session 1: Introduction – who are we are as people? As a couple? What do we want to figure out together before we make this commitment? What are our typical areas of conflict and alignment?
Sessions 2 and 3: Our typical negative conflict cycle…and how we can interrupt it
Session 4: How do we like to be loved? (Love languages, attachment styles, ask vs. give styles)
Session 5: Discussing shared values, dreams and goals
Session 6: Discussing finances
Session 7: Discussing sex
Session 8: Takeaways – what have we learned about ourselves, each other, and who we are as a couple?
*2 additional sessions can be added based on the couple’s preferences
I welcome all clients, including clients in polyamorous relationships or other relationship constellations.
Who Can Benefit from Premarital Counselling?
Premarital counselling is designed for couples who are generally getting along well, and want a venue to explore key issues before commitment to marriage or other forms of commitment (e.g., becoming common law, moving in together). In the past, premarital counselling was often offered by religious institutions for members of that institution; I wanted to design a secular version for people who may not be part of a religious institution but still want to explore these topics. (You are also welcome to explore how spirituality and religion are part of your relationship in premarital counselling.)
If a couple is experiencing frequent, intense conflict; longstanding misalignment on key issues/goals (e.g., finances, decision whether or not to have children); or has a specific topic in mind that they would like to explore in depth (e.g., how do we balance time as a couple with time with extended family), a better option is couples counselling. This is because premarital counselling facilitates the exploration of the couple’s patterns, wishes and dreams and provides tools (shorter term, a set group of specific topics addressed); whereas couples therapy directly restructures communication patterns so that more specific topics can be explored productively (longer term, focus is on style of communication and/or a specific topic).
What Are The Benefits of Premarital Counselling?
Premarital counselling can help you and your partner learn more about each other; appreciate your similarities and differences; and ensure that key topics (e.g., life goals, finances, sex) are discussed before a longstanding commitment is made. Premarital counselling seeks to cultivate appreciation and excitement for the future you and your partner are building together, and to give you tools for the future to handle difficult but important discussions and conflicts.
My Premarital Counselling Approach
I have created topics that I will help you and your partner explore together in premarital counselling based on the research and my clinical experience. Please see below for a rough agenda; sessions can also be tailored based on your preferences. During each session, I will use a warm and empathic approach to help you and your partner share and learn from each other.
Session 1: Introduction – who are we are as people? As a couple? What do we want to figure out together before we make this commitment? What are our typical areas of conflict and alignment?
Sessions 2 and 3: Our typical negative conflict cycle…and how we can interrupt it
Session 4: How do we like to be loved? (Love languages, attachment styles, ask vs. give styles)
Session 5: Discussing shared values, dreams and goals
Session 6: Discussing finances
Session 7: Discussing sex
Session 8: Takeaways – what have we learned about ourselves, each other, and who we are as a couple?
*2 additional sessions can be added based on the couple’s preferences
Premarital Counselling Fees
$250/50 minute session, can add up to 2 additional sessions at $250/session
Book a Free Premarital Counselling Consultation
Please use the contact form below to get in touch if you would like to book a free initial 20 minute conversation about premarital counselling or ask any questions. I welcome questions and comments from folks at all stages of their journey, whether you’re researching options, curious about therapy, or ready to book an appointment.